BILL GATES JOKES

Bill Gates died and found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. "Well, Bill," God said, "I m really confused about this call; I m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. So I m going to do something I ve never done before. In your case, I m going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What s the difference between the two?"

God said, "I m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

God said, "I m going to leave that up to you."

Bill said, "Okay, then, let s try Hell first." So off Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"

"Fine," said God and off they went.

Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell," he told God.

"Fine," God replied, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How s everything going, Bill?" God asked.

Bill responded (his voice full of anguish and disappointment), "This is awful; this is not what I expected. I can t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Ah," God smiled and said, "That was just the screensaver."
 

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Bill Gates' Honeymoon

After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.

Bill Gates' Hard Drive

Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the world-wide rights to Viagra?
He's renaming it MICROHARD.

Microsoftie

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"
 

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Bill Gates, Super Ego

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, and Bill Gates. He said to them, ''I've called you here because you are the 3 most influential spokepersons in the world. Go back to Earth and tell everyone there is a God, but he's blowing up the world tommorrow.''
So, Bill Clinton went back and said, ''Fellow Americans, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a God, and the bad news is he's blowing up the world tommorrow.''

Colin Powell went back and said, ''I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is a God and the good news is he's blowing up the world tommorrow.''

Then, Bill Gates went down, gathered up all his computer buddies on the Internet and said, '' I have some good news. The first part of the good news is I've been voted one of the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. The other good news is the Y2K problem is solved.''
 

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Bill Gates - God
A poor employee had been suffering dreadfully during the building of Gates' infamous new home. The poor architect had used Linux to undertake the interior and the wrath of Gates had fallen upon him.

This guy was so distressed at the thought of using Windows in a design environment that he just got up one day and took his own life.

He reappears at the gates of heaven where St.Peter is sitting with his clipboard. Nervously he walks up to St.Peter."Ah", St.Peter says, "you're the poor fellow who suffered at the hands of Gates. Don't worry, you're in heaven now. Everything is allright.

"Still quivering, the poor architect says: "At last, that's wonderfull. But you promise me that Bill Gates won't appear here."

St.Peter lets out a broad laugh: "Is the Pope Catholic ? You know what they say about rich men, needles and camels ... anyhow, we use Amigas ..."

Then, suddenly, beyond the pearly gates a familiar figure appears. The poor architect falls into an apoplectic fit: "Look, look, you told me he'd never find a place in heaven, but it's him."

St.Peter turns around to see the sight. "Ah, no my son, that's God, he just thinks he's Bill Gates ..."

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Windows 666

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God immediately recognizes him and says to him "Bill Gates -- you're a great man. I shall give you a choice of either heaven or hell." Bill Gates tells God that he would like to see both before making a decision.
So God takes Bill Gates down to Hell, where there are beautiful, nubile bikini models, perfect weather, free drinks, and eternal happiness. "That doesn't seem so bad," says Gates. "Let's see Heaven now." God and Gates go to Heaven, which seems to be just a bunch of old, crusty angels flying around and sitting on a few clouds. "I've made my decision," says Gates. "I choose Hell."

Six months later, God goes down to Hell to check on him and finds him hanging above a pit of fire with wild harpies tearing out his intestines. "What happened to all the bikini models and the sun and the fun?" Gates screams. "Oh, that," says God. "That was just the demo."
 

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